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Excerpts from
book nearing completion:
My father tried, sort of,
to steer me away from my early fascination with the empty spaces
of the West, saying that there was no future in any of those
places, that there was only loneliness. Which was, of course,
what attracted me. He wanted to see me oriented toward some normal
path in life, some sort of civilized profession, with a nice
wife and family, security - the white picket fence syndrome.
All things that he had never had. He saw the West largely in
terms of various failures - abandoned towns, dried up wells,
dead cows, dust storms, hoboes and drifters. That may be a Depression,
Dust Bowl sort of mentality. Of course, while my father was trying
to steer me down some normal path he lived alone at an isolated
sort of ranch at the end of a dirt road in the mountains not
too far from Los Angeles, with a scraggly old dog, no hot water
or toilet, feeding a visiting coyote, with bobcats and an occasional
mountain lion prowling around. He ws a sort of hermit, albeit
with a rather on and off connection with the real world - increasingly
off as the years went by. I remember in my early years the excursions
to town to take showers at the YMCA, meals in workingman's restaurants
- as my father called them.
At
one such place, out toward Santa Paula, the proprietor asked
my father if he was a fireman
- because of the blue denim "chore coat" from Sears
that my father often wore. "No," my father said. "I
have a small place up in the hills." As if that explained
everything. The man nodded, wiping the counter, looking at us.
I imagined that he was thinking, "Another Okie, come out
here in the 30's from some Dust Bowl place, got hold of some
hardscrabble land back in the hills, real cheap, gets by. A man
with his kid, eking out a living somehow. The old man looks kinda
worn out, that thin gaunt look -and that beard, but maybe that
kid'll do better, there's more opportunities now. But sometimes
those kids take after their old man, their loner, red-neck ways." I
imagined the man thinking something like that. Why, I don't know. "Dessert,
gents?," the man asked. "No," my father said,
laying a few bills on the counter. "We'll be on our way."
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